As Lesbian Visibility Week approaches, let’s take a few moments to discuss the very real and serious problem of lesbian erasure. What is it? How does it happen? How can the LGBTQ+ community and our allies help support lesbian identity in 2024?

I cringed a little inside when I was asked to write this. This is all part of the modern struggle of being a lesbian, as it happens, which I will explain in a moment. I’m also well aware that “lesbian erasure” is a term certain media outlets misuse to make out that lesbians feel threatened by the transgender community, a slander which I reject wholeheartedly – for reasons I will also explain.

First, let me tell you a story about when I lied about my sexuality – and how I ended up with egg on my face as a result…

When I started a role at one of my previous companies, I didn’t feel comfortable coming out to my new colleagues. So I lied. I lied about who I was spending my weekends with, who I was going on holiday with, etc. And because this company was French – and in the French language you don’t have the gender-neutral “they” – my real-life “she” became “he”.

This went on for months and months, endless little lies upon little lies until I began to lose track. When I eventually came out to someone at the company, they told me that everyone already knew, and had known from the start. Not in the “we guessed you were gay” way either. Someone had outed me when they took my references. So my colleagues had known for months that I’d been lying to them. And not a single person there had had the courage to take me to one side and let me know.

Well, that was a turning point for me. Never would I have that awkward conversation again. Never would I pretend to be someone I wasn’t. Never again.

What does this have to do with lesbian erasure? Because on a fundamental level, I had effectively erased my lesbian identity and the existence of my real partner for months – voluntarily.

Defining lesbian erasure

Ironically, lesbian erasure is a little hard to define. Traditionally, it refers to the tendency for society to ignore or remove evidence of lesbian women or relationships in history and the public eye. Today it can be used politically, such as when feminist or LGBTQ+ groups de-emphasize lesbian identities as part of their communities, or when it is claimed that transgender activism is eclipsing the lesbian experience.

In everyday life it’s more of a tendency to see lesbian identities as less valid or authentic than others. In my opinion, this is either a cause or an effect of the fact that lesbian women have historically been sexualised or fetishised, whether in pornography, mainstream movies, or even advertising. Images of attractive women caught in will-they-won’t-they poses of implied sexual tension are common. Advertisers and filmmakers have used them frequently to titillate through the decades.

So of course this gives off the impression that lesbianism is a sexual commodity rather than a serious identity. It’s fun and unthreatening. It’s also often depicted as a phase, a result of youth and confusion. How often have we seen the movie trope of the lesbian converted to “normality” when they finally meet the “right” man? And what’s with the weird trope of TV shows killing off lesbian characters?

In some ways, lesbianism feels like the shamed cousin of the LGBTQ+ world. For years, after having come out as a lesbian, I preferred to classify myself as “queer”. That seemed more exciting, more flexible. But again, it also reflected a discomfort with the label of “lesbian” which reflects the fact that the word is at best unglamorous, at worst seen as invalid – and so often by lesbians themselves. As a community and across mainstream society, we don’t do enough to recognise and celebrate lesbian women.

Why this is a problem should be obvious. Women who are uncomfortable in their own skin and feel the need to pretend, or to conform to something they’re not – this is a recipe for misery and potential mental health issues.

Yet the statistics suggest that significantly fewer women self-identify as gay or lesbian (1.1% of the UK population) than men who self-identify as gay (2.5% of the UK population). What’s more, in a 2023 survey, 73% of LGBTQIA+ woman or non-binary persons felt they were unable to be open with their friends and acquaintances about their identity.

Celebrating lesbians and lesbianism: let’s do more of it

Writing in 2023 in response to that survey, the founder of Lesbian Visibility Week, Linda Riley wrote that “celebrating and uplifting our community is essential.” I couldn’t agree more.

In the workplace, we need to champion lesbian employees who have the courage to be themselves. This will encourage others to do the same. We need safe spaces for women, both separate spaces where women can be women and an overall work environment in which women can feel psychologically safe and free to be themselves.

Not only do we do this at Allianz, where I work, but also at Link, we felt that we needed a space for women to be women. And that includes trans women and non-binary people, by the way. To feel safe and to be yourself you often need to be with people who have the same lived experience and who understand you.

No two women’s coming out journeys are the same, of course. People don’t live identical lives. But fundamentally, being around people who understand you is key to fostering psychological safety. Speaking of which, let’s address the fake trans controversy.

Statistically, lesbians overwhelmingly support trans people

One of the ways that society seeks to erase lesbians right now is by using us as a stick to beat the transgender community. In article after interview after tweet after YouTube video, certain lesbians claim that “lesbians are being erased by transgender activists” or something similar.

Well, I can tell you that only a small minority of lesbians feel this way. In fact, surveys show that 96% of young lesbians are “supportive” or “very supportive” of trans people compared with 89% of LGBT+ people overall and 69% of non-LGBT+ people.

So let’s have no more of this trans-exclusionary nonsense, please. Lesbians do not hate or feel threatened by trans people, just as we do not hate all men. And we don’t all wear Birkenstocks or flannel shirts.

How to actively celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

The importance of Lesbian Visibility Week is that it puts the humble old word “lesbian” back in pride of place – right at the heart of what it means to be a gay woman, to be a queer woman. We should all of us use the week to celebrate the word and the identities it represents.

One way to do that is by coming along to the panel about queer families being hosted by MS Amlin that we at Link have organised together with the Insurance Families Network and Outspoken Speakers. That promises to be a very frank and eye-opening discussion of the realities of queer families today and how companies can help support and nurture them.

Another way to celebrate lesbians that week is the evening with stand-up comedian Jen Brister taking place on the 25^th April.

If you’re struggling, find your tribe

One of the reasons I mention these events is to encourage women to come along and celebrate who they are. This includes any women who may be struggling with their identity right now. I get it. I was lucky with my coming out in many ways, but I remember the struggles. It’s rarely easy or simple. It can be particularly hard to come out in the workplace.

So if this sounds like your situation, I encourage you to find your tribe. There are employee resource groups or groups like Link who will welcome you in. Explore your identity first with your tribe before being out and proud. There’s no pressure for anyone to be out if they don’t want to be. Nobody needs to dictate to you how you’re going to come out and who you come out to.