Coming Out at work – how has it changed in 20 years?
Being out at work is important to 7 out of 10 LGBTQ+ students and graduates, according to recent research from LGBTQ+ business community myGwork. In Link’s own 2022 survey of 200+ members, 95.4% of respondents said they were out to friends and colleagues, and 1 in 3 said they had come out in their current role within six months of starting.
Clearly, being out is important to most LGBTQ+ people. Which is why, to quote myGwork, workplaces need “to be places where everyone feels comfortable expressing their true selves without fear of discrimination.”
To mark #ComingOutDay last week, we reached out to two Link members from different generations to discuss their coming out stories, how important it is to them to be out, and how the experience has changed over the last twenty years.
The anxiety of coming out
“When I worked at previous law firms as a paralegal or trainee solicitor about 19 years ago, I did not feel comfortable revealing my sexuality,” says Matt Deaville, a Partner at Kennedys in its professional liability team.
“I don’t think that was because of the people at the law firms, it was more because I did not know many gay people and those that I did were not out at work,” he adds.
That said, he was keen to come out when he joined Kennedys as a newly qualified solicitor in September 2005. “I decided I would not hide my sexuality and would simply tell the truth,” he says.
“Therefore, when people asked me what I was doing at the weekend, I would not say things like ‘meeting some friends at the pub.’ I would say, ‘meeting some friends in Soho’ and if they asked anything else, I would say ‘going to a few gay bars’. Whenever I started seeing anybody I would refer to them as ‘him’ rather than ‘they’.”
For Jordan Leech, a Canadian-born Associate Solicitor at Kennedys, he never felt self-conscious about coming out at work. Indeed, he never really feels that he had to consciously come out, saying: “I’ve never felt like I couldn’t be out. I feel like my personality and my sexuality are not something that is necessarily easy to hide just based on who I am. It seemed to me that it’s always obvious, therefore I never had a reason to address it, and was always comfortable talking about it.”
In this, Jordan is grateful for living and working at a time when this is less of an issue than it once was. “I’ve attended events where you do hear some really harrowing stories about situations that people have been in, and I do feel really grateful that I haven’t experienced those situations yet,” he says.
“Because I am in that generation where it hopefully isn’t seen as big of an issue as It used to be, it’s important to appreciate the privileged position that you’re in and recognize that that’s not everyone’s experience,” he says.
What barriers still remain?
Matt agrees that “things are a lot better now than they were 20 odd years ago when I came out at work.” However, he is clear that barriers do remain, especially for trans members of the LGBTQ+ community. He also adds that many people may still feel unsure about how they will be perceived or how their colleagues may react if and when they do come out.
“To a degree there is still some uncertainty about whether coming out will have a negative impact on their careers,” Matt says. “People who want to come out as trans, for example, in my view face bigger barriers than people coming out as gay today. This is because they have less rights and are less understood in society at the moment.”
Jordan points to a more subtle kind of barrier that LGBTQ+ people can face – along with people from most minoritised cultures – whether you can ever be accepted as part of the in crowd.
He explains: “A lot of this industry is based on relationships, and developing those relationships at an early stage, and then carrying them throughout the course of your career.
“It’s sometimes difficult to feel like you have common ground with whoever you’re with, if you are a minority. I would hope that that’s not something that would impact career progression, but it is something that I think LGBTQ+ or any minority person, always kind of thinks about in the back of their minds, whether or not that’s going to have an impact. I would hope it doesn’t, but that’s something that I’m conscious of.”
How firms and colleagues can help
One thing people can do is look to their own networks. “You’ve got resources like Link that provide an outlet and a network for people in this particular minority group, that hopefully they can use to leverage or to overcome some of those perceived barriers,” says Jordan.
Matt believes organisations could be doing more and putting more time and resources into being more proactively supportive and inclusive.
“This should be through a variety of initiatives such as speakers, networking groups, asking people to tell their stories and openly supporting LGBTQ+ people,” he says. “Fairly basic things like rainbow lanyards do wonders in my view. Senior people openly supporting LGBTQ+ people is also very important.”
He adds that it’s not enough to just show support during Pride Month “and then nothing is heard for the following 12 months. Although the companies are doing and are trying to do the right thing by showing support, it can come across like they are paying lip service to Pride. Showing support outside of Pride Month will go a long way, in my view.”
For Jordan, treating everyone equally is fundamental. “I think it really helps when managers or whoever you’re working with ask questions about what you’re up to or what you’ve done on the weekend to just try and ease you in to a place where you feel comfortable. Maybe talking about what you’ve been up to, if you have a partner, who that partner is.”
This is really about making people feel at ease, “an honest dialog about who you are from a place of support and feeling safe and comfortable to discuss it. Things like that I think are really important.”
Do you need any support in your workplace?
So, while coming out at work remains imposing for many, it seems the UK workplace has become a much safer and more supportive place for most of the LGBTQ+ community over the last 20 years. While this is worthy of celebration, it’s worth remembering that not everyone feels so safe or welcomed, and companies could still be more proactive in this area. If you have any questions on this topic, please reach out to us at Link. We’ll be glad to help if we can.
